Why Do We Look at Our Worst Moments First?
Understanding how our experiences shape what we believe about ourselves — and why identifying them is the first step towards transformation.
Have you ever wondered why certain situations trigger such powerful emotional reactions?
Perhaps someone criticises you, and suddenly you feel inadequate. Someone rejects you, and you begin questioning your worth. Or something doesn't go according to plan, and you find yourself overwhelmed by feelings of failure.
You may know these reactions are unreasonable or unhelpful, but that doesn't necessarily stop them from happening.
Why do we respond this way, often without even thinking?
One of the foundational principles of the Transformed by His Word course is that our significant life experiences can shape the beliefs we develop about ourselves, other people and even God.
And some of our most influential beliefs may have originated in moments we've almost forgotten.
That's why we begin the Transformation Course by looking at My Moments.
Our Experiences Can Become Our Identity
From childhood onwards, we experience thousands of moments that influence how we understand ourselves and the world around us.
Some are wonderful experiences filled with love, encouragement and achievement.
Others are painful experiences involving rejection, embarrassment, failure, criticism or disappointment.
But something important can happen during those difficult moments.
Our minds attempt to make sense of what has happened.
We don't simply experience an event. We may also draw conclusions about what that event means.
For example, imagine a young person who desperately wants to make a school sports team.
They train hard, practise consistently and give everything they have.
But when the team is announced, their name isn't on the list.
That's a disappointing experience.
However, what can make it particularly significant is the meaning the young person attaches to that disappointment.
They might conclude:
"I tried my hardest, but I wasn't good enough."
And then that thought can become something much bigger:
"I'm not good enough."
Notice the difference.
The first statement relates to a particular experience.
The second has become a statement about the person's identity.
And if other experiences seem to reinforce that same message, the belief may become increasingly convincing.
Over time, a conclusion formed during an emotionally significant moment can begin influencing how someone sees themselves across many different situations.
We can begin living according to something we believe about ourselves without ever stopping to question whether it's true.
Why Do We Start With Our Worst Moments?
This brings us to an important question.
Why does Module 1 of the Transformation Course ask you to identify some of your most difficult life experiences?
Because these moments can provide clues to the beliefs that have shaped our identity.
When we experience something emotionally painful, we may develop beliefs designed to explain what happened or protect us from experiencing similar pain again.
For example:
Rejection may lead to the belief, "People will eventually reject me."
Failure may lead to the belief, "I'm not good enough."
Criticism may lead to the belief, "I will always disappoint people."
Being overlooked may lead to the belief, "My needs don't matter."
Repeated disappointment may lead to the belief, "Nothing ever works out for me."
These are examples, not inevitable outcomes. Different people can draw very different conclusions from similar experiences.
But when these messages become established beliefs, they can influence our decisions, relationships, emotions and behaviour.
And here's the challenge.
We may have forgotten the experience, but the belief we formed can still be influencing our lives.
That's why identifying significant moments can be such a valuable part of understanding ourselves.
Ready to Discover What Has Shaped Your Beliefs?
The first module of Transformed by His Word, My Moments, guides you through recognising the experiences that may have influenced how you see yourself.
It's the beginning of a practical journey towards understanding and renewing your mind.
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Why Do We Ask You to Identify 3–5 Difficult Moments?
In the course, I encourage participants to begin by identifying three to five of their most significant painful experiences.
For many people, this is enough to begin discovering important patterns and beliefs.
However, I've encountered approaches to this type of reflective work that encourage identifying as many as ten significant experiences.
Why?
Because sometimes the first three or four memories we recall are the more obvious ones.
They might be experiences we've spoken about before or events that readily come to mind.
But as we continue reflecting, we may remember experiences that we haven't considered for many years.
Sometimes an experience that initially seemed relatively insignificant turns out to have carried a powerful message.
And sometimes, when we move beyond those first few memories, we discover something much more important.
An experience that helped shape a belief we've carried for much of our lives.
This is why I encourage people not to rush through this exercise.
An Invitation to Go a Little Deeper
Although the Transformation Course asks you to identify three to five significant moments, you don't have to stop there.
If you're finding the exercise helpful and feel comfortable continuing, consider exploring a few more.
Could you identify seven significant moments?
Perhaps eight or nine?
You may even reach ten.
The point isn't to collect as many painful memories as possible. It's to explore whether there are important beliefs you haven't yet recognised.
For some people, the most meaningful insights come from their first three experiences.
For others, a later memory may reveal an unexpected connection.
There's no magic number, and recalling more painful experiences doesn't necessarily produce greater transformation.
What matters is the understanding you gain.
And it's equally important to approach this work with wisdom and care.
If an experience is traumatic, overwhelming or causes significant distress, don't force yourself to relive it. You can pause, work with less distressing memories, or seek support from a qualified professional.
Transformation is not about pushing ourselves through pain. It's about developing understanding that helps us move forward.
Why Do We Also Examine Our Moments of Pleasure?
The second part of My Moments focuses on a different type of experience.
Our moments of pleasure, relief, comfort and escape.
In my experience, people often find these easier to identify.
And that makes sense.
Our minds are naturally drawn towards experiences that feel rewarding, comforting or enjoyable.
Unlike difficult memories, which we may prefer to avoid, pleasurable experiences can be things we actively seek out and remember.
However, these moments can also reveal important beliefs.
Consider someone who regularly turns to entertainment, food, alcohol, pornography or another source of pleasure whenever they feel stressed, rejected or inadequate.
The pleasurable activity may offer temporary relief from uncomfortable feelings.
Over time, that person might develop beliefs such as:
"I need this to feel better."
"This is the only way I can relax."
"I deserve this because life is hard."
Or:
"I can't cope without it."
The important question isn't simply what activity someone enjoys.
It's what meaning they've attached to that activity and what they believe it provides for them.
Not all pleasure is harmful. Enjoyment, recreation, celebration and rest are normal and valuable parts of life.
But when we rely on a particular pleasure to escape painful emotions, it can be worth examining the beliefs that have developed around it.
Do You Recognise Any of These Patterns?
Transformed by His Word helps you explore both painful experiences and experiences of pleasure or escape.
Through guided reflection, you can begin understanding the beliefs that may be influencing your everyday choices.
Explore Module 1 — My Moments (Free Registration) →
Two Different Types of Experience — One Important Question
At first glance, our worst moments and our most pleasurable moments might seem completely unrelated.
But they can be connected.
Imagine someone who developed the belief:
"I'm not good enough."
Whenever they're criticised, that belief is activated.
They begin feeling anxious, inadequate and uncertain of themselves.
Those feelings are uncomfortable.
So they look for something that provides relief.
Perhaps they withdraw, distract themselves or pursue an activity that temporarily makes them feel better.
Now we can begin recognising two possible beliefs operating together.
The belief associated with the painful experience:
"I'm not good enough."
The belief associated with the pleasurable escape:
"I need this pleasure to feel better about myself."
These beliefs may reinforce a repeated pattern.
A situation triggers an old belief.
The belief influences an emotional response.
The uncomfortable feeling creates a desire for relief.
And the person returns to a familiar behaviour.
This can all happen so quickly that the person may not consciously recognise the connection.
Without understanding the beliefs involved, we may spend years trying to change a behaviour without understanding what continues to drive it.
That's why identifying both types of moments is so important.
How Beliefs Can Begin Running Our Lives Automatically
Think about how many things you do each day without consciously analysing every decision.
You drive familiar roads, respond to conversations, carry out routines and react to situations using patterns you've learned over time.
Our thinking can also become habitual.
A person who believes they're inadequate may automatically interpret criticism as confirmation that they're not good enough.
Someone who expects rejection may interpret an unanswered message as evidence that another person doesn't value them.
Someone who believes they cannot cope without a particular source of comfort may repeatedly turn to that behaviour whenever they feel distressed.
These interpretations can feel like facts because they've become so familiar.
But familiarity doesn't make a belief true.
And this is one of the most important discoveries participants can make during the Transformation Course.
We can learn to distinguish between what happened to us and what we came to believe because of what happened.
Those are not always the same thing.
What Does This Have to Do With Renewing Our Minds?
Romans 12:2 gives us a foundational instruction:
"And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind..." — Romans 12:2 (KJV)
Many Christians know this Scripture.
But how do we practically renew our minds?
How do we change beliefs we've carried for years, particularly when we don't even realise those beliefs are there?
I believe the first step is learning to recognise what we've been believing.
Or in a scripture sense understanding what we have been conforming to because of what has happened to us in this world.
That's why the Transformation Course begins with our moments.
Module 1 — My Moments: We examine significant experiences that may have influenced our beliefs.
Module 2 — My Beliefs: We identify the messages and conclusions that developed through those experiences.
Module 3 — Reforming My Beliefs: We begin challenging limiting beliefs and replacing them with the truth of God's Word.
This isn't simply about thinking positively.
It's about recognising beliefs that may be inconsistent with biblical truth and learning to respond differently.
For example, someone who believes they're worthless can reflect on Genesis 1:27 and what it means to be created in God's image.
Someone who believes their past failures define them can consider 2 Corinthians 5:17 and the new identity found in Christ.
As we understand God's Word and repeatedly apply its truth to everyday situations, we can begin developing new patterns of thinking and responding.
Don't Just Read About Transformation — Begin Practising It
Our free Transformation Course includes practical teaching and personalised reflection exercises to help you apply what you're learning.
You can work through Part 1 at your own pace.
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Understanding Your Past Without Being Defined by It
There's another reason I believe this process is so valuable.
Many people carry negative beliefs about themselves without recognising where those beliefs originated.
They may spend years thinking:
"I'm not good enough."
"I'll never change."
"I'm a disappointment."
"I don't belong."
And because those thoughts have become so familiar, they begin to feel like their identity.
But when we begin understanding how particular beliefs developed, an important distinction becomes possible.
What happened to me is part of my story. It doesn't have to define who I am.
A painful experience may have influenced the way you see yourself.
But the meaning you attached to that experience isn't necessarily the truth about your identity.
Through honest reflection and the truth of God's Word, those beliefs can be examined and challenged.
That is why we look at our worst moments.
Not to dwell on the past.
Not to blame others.
And certainly not to remain trapped in painful memories.
We look back so we can begin understanding the beliefs that have been shaping our present — and learn how to move forward differently.
Your Transformation Journey Begins With Understanding
If there's one thing I want you to take away from this article, it's this:
You cannot deliberately change a limiting belief until you've begun to recognise what that belief is.
And sometimes the most useful clues are found in the experiences that helped shape it.
That's why we begin with My Moments.
By examining both our difficult experiences and our experiences of pleasure or escape, we can begin uncovering messages that have influenced how we think, feel and behave.
Some of those discoveries may be surprising.
Others may explain patterns you've struggled with for years.
But recognising those patterns gives you an opportunity to challenge them and begin renewing your mind through biblical truth.
Are You Ready to Discover Why You Believe What You Believe?
Part 1 of Transformed by His Word is currently available free of charge.
You'll be guided through three practical modules, supported by interactive reflection journals that help you examine your own life experiences and apply what you learn.
Start Your Free Transformation Journey Today →
Discover the moments that shaped your beliefs, identify the messages influencing your life, and begin replacing limiting beliefs with the truth of God's Word.
Note: This course provides Christian education and guided personal reflection. It is not a substitute for professional psychological care, particularly when exploring traumatic experiences.